Eri was recently interviewed by Huffington Post writer Randall Frederick about our short documentary "Transmormon" and her life since sex reassignment surgery. Please find a few excerpts below. You can read the full interview on the Sexuality & the City website.
There’s a touching moment in the film where you talk about feeling like “just an ugly boy.” Do you feel pretty now that you’ve had the surgery? What has your self-image been like recently?
It was something that I really struggled with. Being told that I was not as good looking as my sister or that I was “a good looking man” was not a compliment. Being told that I was a prettyboy or a girly boy was a compliment in my mind.
I struggled a lot with self-image and spent a good chunk of time trying to replicate what was fashionable, what is desired for women to do, applying tons of makeup to look “pretty.” I even struggled with an eating disorder, trying to find acceptance for my own self-image that I hated for so long, but have come to find that what is more important than being pretty is having a beautiful heart and having a healthy body. It was a long journey and required love and support from those around me and from myself as well.
With that said, there are still days when I think my shoulders are kind of broad and my boobs aren’t big enough but all in all I am happy with who I am today.
You talked about how you didn’t get along well with God as a child. You said that you were even angry with God because of the way you were made. Please tell me more about that.
I can’t remember my exact wording but yes, the relationship was complicated. Being told that the reason I am a boy was because God made me that way was not a brownie point in the eyes of a young trans girl.
I have since come to realize that while it has been a very difficult and a lonely struggle at times, everything that I experienced because I was made a boy has made me who I am today. For that I am grateful. It has strengthened my belief that things may not be how we think they ought to be, but that is only because we cannot see the big picture. Our part is to be good people and let God take care of the why and what is happening in the universe.